Fanfiction and Me

1. How long have you been writing fanfic?
I think it might be easier to describe my entire journey with fanfic. I read my first Harry Potter book in 2001. In 2003 I started going online to search Harry Potter and stumbled on a fanfic, a H/G oneshot which will become the foundation for my love of H/G later on. Still as I read the story I still had no idea what fanfic was, and thought it was something really written by JKR and after some time of wandering around the host site, Sugarquill.net, did I finally understand what fanfic was. 

It took me till about 2004/5 (memory is a bit fuzzy) to start writing my own fic, though now looking back, they were pretty horrific and I don't want to ever be associated with that Fanfiction.net account again (it still exists as I have forgotten the password so can't delete the stories). I had a brief spell for a few months writing those horrible Harry Potter fanfic but then more or less fell out of it because school took over. It wasn't until summer 2006, after I graduated high school and had 6 months before I begin university that I started to get back to fanfic, but this time to write in the fandom of Huan Zhu Ge Ge. I think it was because I was rereading the novels or rewatching the series, I can't remember. But since then I've been writing HZGG fanfic pretty much none-stop until now.

2. And what got you into fanfiction to begin with?
I think I just answered that up there :P I guess I might explain what exactly HZGG is. Huan Zhu Ge Ge or Princess Returning Pearl (yes, it sounds funny in Engish) is a Chinese/Taiwanese TV drama set in China in the Qing dynasty under the reign of Emperor Qian Long (around 1760s). It's about an illegitimate daughter of the Emperor (Zi Wei) who comes to Beijing after her mother dies to find her father, meets an orphan (Xiao Yan Zi) and the two girls become sworn sisters. Through a series of unfortunate events, Xiao Yan Zi is mistaken as the princess instead (thus her being named the "returned pearl") and the rest of the series deal with how they have to get back to the proper place. Meanwhile, Xiao Yan Zi sells bean buns to the Empress, climbs palace walls, writes poems about giving the Imperial Tutor a black-eye and falls in love with a prince who is supposed to be her brother.

Fan-made trailer courtesy of AncientChinese.Net

The original series consist of three "seasons" or three parts, simply HZGGI, HZGGII, HZGGIII, and currently they're doing a remake. The original series, aired between 1997 and 2002 were widely popular not only in China, Taiwan, Hong Kong but all over South East Asia, including, of course, Vietnam. People in Vietnam are still obsessed enough with this series so that every couple of years it would be reaired on some provincial TV channel and everyone would despair that they can't get that channel and why won't the central channels like VTV air it again?

This demand makes way for various Vietnamese fansubtitle projects for the series, though as far as I know, people still refuse to sub HZGGIII or acknowledge it as a part of the series, as aside from the change in cast, the character and plot made drastic changes in direction that were not for the better. I was heart broken for the character assassination of my favourite character, Yong Qi, in HZGGIII and that's pretty much what made me write HZGG fanfic in the first place, to attempt to salvage his character.

3. What kind of fanfiction do you like to write?

Considering the fandom and the pairing, my fics inevitably fall under the romance genre. Currently I'm writing to a set of 100 fic prompts, so basically I'm attempting to write 100 different one-shots according to 100 prompts, so the pairings and characters involved vary a bit, not all of it would be romance but probably a majority will be. But considering some characters I write about are historical figures and did exist, I spent too much time researching them as well as other aspects of Qian Long's court, with the aid of Google translate, because I am trying to weave the history and cultural aspects into my fics.

4. Do you tend to write the same pairings/characters? Or are you a fandom whore?

The reason I can only write Yong Qi/Xiao Yan Zi is that this pairing is the one that speak to me the most. While on odd days I can probably slide in and write other characters like Zi Wei, Qing Er or Qian Long, I probably can't write romance for them.

5. What is your most popular fanfic and why do you think people like it so?

Right now, looking at the number of favourites, story alerts and review:chapter ratio, I would have to say The Prince and Me, though it's not meant to be taken seriously. I will admit to everyone that this fic is full of fluff, cliches, cultural rip-offs, self-insert and Mary Sue and it's deliberately written so. It's probably popular because it's a very different take on HZGG. Heck, it takes HZGG - a period drama - to the modern world and trivialises it, but that makes the story all the more fun to write and I guess to read. This one is an escapist piece for me as sometimes it does get rather tiring writing in ancient setting.

6. Forget other people...what is the fanfic you've written that you're most proud of?
I really would have to say The Unforeseen Complications of Leaving, as it's not only one of my longest works but also the plot that I like the most. It was also an attempt to write something that wasn't pure romance and I think I succeeded a bit. Also this was therapy for me after watching the third part of HZGG, the ending of which I deeply disapproved of, so by writing this I was giving myself a sense of catharsis.

7. Do you find writing easy? Hard? What are the most difficult aspects of writing?
Since I have too many plot bunnies floating around in my head for HZGG, most of time it comes easily. Sometimes I do just sit and stare at the computer, wanting to write but it won't come, but those are time when I know it's because I'm not in the mood. The problem with my writing is that my ideas usually consist of the climax of the story and I would get the urge to write that first. After that is written, I then feel drained and no longer want to go back and fill in the exposition or the resolution. But if it's a compelling enough idea then  I can make myself do it. If not it just sits on my computer. There are lot of random bits on my computer now that sounds really dramatic but has no build-up and no resolution.

8. Write a few sentences or so about your favorite pairing or character.
Yong Qi...what can I say? I think when writing HZGGI, the author Qiong Yao didn't anticipate how popular this character would be. He certainly wasn't her usual model of a male lead and would probably be counted as a co-star rather than the star or main character. He was given more screen time and development in HZGGII but from the look of HZGIII and the remake, Yong Qi in Qiong Yao's eyes isn't quite as perfect as I have made him to be. I think in my mind, I've made Yong Qi into a Qing-dysnasty form of Gilbert Blythe with some of Mr Darcy thrown in :D.

9. Are there any fanfiction trends/cliches that you're sick of?

Not so much cliches as...inaccuracies.

I wince every time HZGG fanfic writers have Xiao Yan Zi and Yong Qi leave the palace and live as commoners but still name their son Mian Yi. You can't name your son Mian Yi if you're no longer a prince, sweetie!!

Emperor Kang Xi decided from his son's generation, all male of the Aisin Gioro clan of the same generation would have the same first character of their name, so for Qian Long's generation, their generation name was Huang, for Yong Qi, the generation name was Yong (duh!) and for his son, the generation name was Mian. Therefore, only males of the Aisin Gioro clan would be allowed to name Mian Something! Naming taboo is a huge no-no of Chinese culture, don't do it! For Xiao Yan Zi and Yong Qi who have given up their royal titles and left the palace to name their son Mian Yi is like saying either 1) hey we're from the royal family, or more likely, 2) we're blatantly committing treason, come and arrest us!

Also, on the same subject, if you're going to leave the palace to live as commoners, stop having your children call you Ah Ma and Er Niang! You don't have to advertise the fact that you're Manchurian!

"Mian Yi" does amuse in me in other ways though. Mian Yi was indeed the only surviving son of real, historical Yong Qi, and since fanfic writers have the name of this one son of Yong Qi but no further information on him, in fanficdom, there's a dozen versions of Mian Yi floating around. I think that's probably why I have tried so far to avoid writing a Mian Yi, or at least one that was older than a baby and thereby would have to have character development.

10. Are you guilty of any of these? Or have you committed other crimes?
I have a problem with striking the right balance between narration and conversations. Due to the way my ideas come to me, as an image or as a part of a conversation, sometimes my (usually oneshots) would consist entirely of one or the other. Also I'm struggling with balancing dialogue tags.

11. What was the first fandom you wrote for? Do ou continue to like/participate in it?
Harry Potter and yes, I still do read fanfic, watch the movies (7.2 is NOT showing in Vietnam!! WHAT??) and other random news! I don't think my HP love will ever die.

12. Name your OTPs or most frequently written pairings/characters and explain what it is about them that you love to write.

 Yong Qi/Xiao Yan Zi.

They're cute, the original actors who played them had the best chemistry in the history of onscreen chemistry, it's the Cinderella story turned on its head and tossed into chaos. What's not to love? The thing about them is that they come from two different worlds: he's a prince and she's an orphan who doesn't have a sense of propriety so there's always something to write about, the clashes in class and problems ensuing is endless.

13. What would you call your writing "style"?
How would you definte style? A style to me is the impression the writing gives to you as you read, it's not something that can be described. Though I suppose I could say that there's heavy influence from Austen fanfiction in my fic in terms of use of vocab and structure.

14. Do you read other people's fanfics? If so, what do you find yourself reading the most?
Harry Potter, Narnia, King's Speech (just because I'm in love with that movie right now but the amount of slash in that fandom stagger me), HZGG (obviously), Pride and Prejudice.

15. Name one thing you'd LOVE to write but haven't yet.
I would love to be able to write Anne of Green Gables fanfic, but all my ideas have been done and done better than I could. Sigh.

16. Do you have trouble taking criticism? Or worse yet, do you have a really bloated ego?
I write in a very small fandom where we're basically too happy to get new fics so it's hard to come by criticism. I'm actually still waiting...

 Seriously, I don't pretend that my writing is perfect, but I would like to think that I can take constructive criticism in stride.

17. When you write is there anything that helps? Music? Quiet room?
Tea. Hot tea. Comfortable place to write. An idea. Music, sometimes, depends on the piece. Sometimes music can be distracting.

18. What inspires you?
What ifs. Little details on rewatch that I missed before. Forum discussions on the series. Alternative universes.

19. Lastly, how would you sum up your fanfiction experiences and yourself as a writer?
I don't think I would have the ability to plot and develop a completely original work so fanfic had been my release and saviour, giving me an outlet for the plot bunnies that float around in my head. When I get plot bunnies, I talk to myself. A lot. Then I have to write them down if I don't want to go around always talking to myself. So fanfic keeps me sane.

Matilda

My boss has taken a month-long vacation and returned to Australia for Christmas, and we're closing the office for Christmas until Thursday, so after the rather hellish November and first fortnight of December, the week just gone felt disturbingly free.

Yesterday (earlier today?) I showed up at work an hour late and found the office practically deserted with just the receptionist already at work. Not long after I arrived she handed the phone to me and promptly disappeared for an hour. I wasted the next two hours by answering three work-related emails and then facebook, forums, fanfiction, looking up random stuff on wikipedia, games etc. People started to trickle in around ten-ish.

We all left for a "Christmas" lunch of hotpot together at about eleven, an hour earlier than usual and basically by the time we returned to the office it was...2:30. By about 3:30 practically everyone was gone again. I had to hang around until about five for my ride home, but by four I was sufficiently bored enough to give up on sitting around and decided to go shopping.

My office is pretty near the Old Quarter of Hanoi and among other things, there's a street full of DVD shops, and though I knew it was improbable that they would have a decent quality version already, I went in to check whether they have the DVD of Deathly Hallows Part 1 yet. I would need it to refresh my memory later when Part 2 comes out.

Anyway, as I was rummaging through the selection of DVDs, I suddenly came across a copy of the movie Matilda, based on the same book by Roald Dalh, of course. It was probably the first book that I read in English and I was obsessed with the movie when I was in fourth grade. As I was looking at it and considering whether I should by it for sentimentality's sake, something incredible dawned on me:

Matilda Wormwood is a witch!!

When she's eleven, she will receive a letter from Hogwarts!!

She's a Ravenclaw!

The Wormwoods are related to the Dursleys!!

...

Her best friend is even named Lavender freaking Brown! Though granted, it is rather hard to imagine that Lavender Brown as the one snogging Ron in HBP.

If I get sufficiently bored in my five-day weekend, a crossover fanfiction will be written. (Though I am feeling somewhat terrified about stepping suddenly into the world of HP fanfic again...)

Dear Miss Wormwood,


I am pleased to inform you that you have been accepted at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardy. 


...


Yours sincerely,
Professor M. McGonagall
Deputy Headmistress

The 21st Century is Kind of Awesome

This was supposed to go into the author's note for the latest chapter of The Prince and Me but then it began to feel like it's going to get longer than the fic itself.  

The name of the chapter (The 21st Century is Kind of Awesome) is basically the summary of a Twilight fanfic that is currently on my favourite list (yes, I do have Twilight fics in my fav list, and often they are better than the books). That fic, called going nowhere, going somewhere by Estora revolves around an Edward who actually has a personality. This fic has very little to do with the chapter of my fic, but I liked the phrase hehe.

First of all, I have to say the chapter The 21st Century is Kind of Awesome is partly a result of my attempt at Nanowrimo this year (which I failed spectacularly, all efforts considered). Part of Nano includes a lot of procrastination time whereby I dig up all these character building quizzes. You now, quizzes that have you pretend to be your character and answer questions about each and every one of their likes and dislike. 

And so The 21st Century is Kind of Awesome is a sort of an exploration of some of Xiao Yan's (and to a certain extent, Yong Qi's) likes and dislikes, but then somehow goes into a sort of reflection of my own rather odd love affair with Zhao Wei. 

On the subject of some of Yong Qi's likes, in reality, Tottenham Hotspurs are not doing so badly in the Premier League as I imply in the chapter. Not that I actually follow Premier League football.

In case you did not recognise the movie that Xiao Yan and Yong Qi went to see in this chapter, it is, of course, A Time to Love, starring Zhao Wei and Lu Yi.

I just wanted to share the whole idea behind the scene where Xiao Yan and Yong Qi went to the hotpot restaurant, which on the surface seems like a pretty useless scene. Well, it is pretty useless, but it's 100% based on my experience at Hai Di Lao Hotpot. 

Bei Wa Lu is a real street in Beijing (at least, I think I remembered it right), where near there is a real Hai Di Lao Hotpot restaurant. I ate there when I was recently (read, a month ago) in Beijing and I swear, it was one of the best service experiences of my life, if not the best. In Vietnamese we have a saying, "The customer is the emperor" and boy, did I feel like an emperor there. 

My friend and I didn’t actually have to wait for a table when we went there, but there was a waiting area that looked pretty cool and I have heard you do actually get a manicure and a shoe shine as you wait. 

Regarding the bathroom of this restaurant, it might seem strange for me to gush about a bathroom. But I swear everything I described in that scene in the fic is true. Except that, unlike Xiao Yan, I couldn't ask a waiter for direction to the bathroom from my table (because I speak no Chinese), it took me several near wrong turns to get to the bathroom. Yes, there were signs but still it was like a maze. I nearly got lost getting back to the table, which of course has no sign to direct me. But the bathroom was pretty awesome, especially compared to normal Beijing public toilets, but I won't go into that. 

Of course, whether this restaurant existed in 2005 when The Prince and Me was set, I don't know and if it did, whether it looked like it does now in 2010 is debatable. And for all my awe about this restaurant, I was disappointed when I got home and realised I had taken no photo of it. I think my friend and I were too busy eating. 

By the way, while I'm on the topic of my trip to Beijing, I have to say I did pass Gong Zhu Fen or the place that inspired HZGG. Well, it's a subway station.  So...it's pretty unepic. But I did get a photo of the sign that said Gong Zhu Fen.

My friend and I were planning to go to the set where they shot HZGG but that plan fell through the roof. That place is supposed to be quite a way outside the city so we were actually ready to spend a whole day to get there and back. Unfortunately the day before we planned to go, we decided to go to the Ba Da Ling Great Wall near the Olympic One World One Dream sign. On a Sunday in the Chinese National Day weekend. 

Well, needless to say, the combination of the destination and the date made traffic...a nightmare. We left the house at 7am and got the Great Wall at 12 noon. Yeah, I spent 5 hours standing squished on a bus. Anyway, we knew that to go to the place where they shot HZGG, we'd have to pretty much make that same bus trip, only go for even longer. After that bus trip from hell, not even the prospect of seeing Shu Fang Zhai (if it's still there, which is doubtful) could draw two massive HZGG fans to get on that bus again. 

And I actually had hoped to see Jing Yang Gong when I visited the Palace Museum. That didn't happen either. Again, it was Chinese National Day holidays, so the Palace Museum was packed. I don't think it would be even that packed when people actually lived there. So basically by the time we made it from the Imperial Garden out to Qian Qing Gong, we were basically too eager to get out of the crowd (by that time, all we could actually see was people and practically nothing else.) to even want to go find Jing Yang Gong which was somewhere off to the sides. We didn't even bother to fight our way in to see Tai Hua Dian which is arguably one of the main attractions of the place. 

 View from Wu Men

Boy, after visiting the Palace Museum, did I feel for Xiao Yan Zi. Now I totally understand why she needed the Easy Kneeling. And now I also so understand why getting in was hard, getting out of the palace was even harder.   

We sat on the steps of Yang Xin Dian, eating ice cream. I'm pretty sure Qian Long would have loved us for it if he ever knew. Then again, I'm pretty sure if ice cream existed in China in those days, Xiao Yan Zi would not be above eating it while sitting on the steps of Yang Xin Dian either.

No, I didn't make it to Heng Dian Studios in Zhejiang to check out the set of the New HZGG. But that's probably for the best. Though speaking of New HZGG, walking around the market, or the Palace Museum, or the Great Wall, there were a lot of stalls selling the Manchurian princess hats as souvenir or toys. Please tell me this is normal in Beijing regardless of the new HZGG being made. But even then, I suspect these princess hats are a result of the New HZGG since along with Manchurian princess hats, there were exact replica of the new Sai Ya's (Tibetan princess) hat as shown in released stills of HZGG. Well, looks like the drama isn't even out yet and it's already making money. 

Panda Ge ge

Mutant plot bunny and what became of it

There is nothing that could excuse the - ahem - story that is coming up, except lack of sleep and over-indulgence of caffeine. I can only say this, if you are a Twilight fan and happened to stumble on this, I hope you won't be too offended because none was meant. If you have no concept of Twilight references, well, what rock have you been hiding under? :P Anyway, if you really don't get Twilight references, this won't make a whole lot of sense.

Disclaimer: No copyright infringement intended. I'm not making money off this. Xiao Yan Zi and Er Kang belongs to Qiong Yao, Twilight references belong to Stephenie Meyer and the utter pointlessness of this piece belongs to me.

~*~

Everything around her smelled like freesia. Or maybe it was lavender. It made her mouth water.

About three things Xiao Yan Zi was absolutely positive.

First, there was no way flowery smells could make one's mouth water. Flowers were not food, no matter how it sounded like flour. Even then, flour on its own wasn't particularly appetising either.

Second, no one could confuse the smell of lavender with freesia. They were two completely different scents.

And third, she wasn't unconditionally and irrevocably in love with a vampire.

But as it was, this wasn't reality, therefore, the world smelled like lavender. Or freesia. And it made her mouth water. As for the vampire? Well, she was pretty sure they didn't exist, even in a world where freesia and lavender smelled the same.

She was seated the front seat of a shiny silver Volvo, though she was not sure how she knew that, considering she was inside the car and normally wouldn't be able to tell the make of one car from another to save her life. She was not sure who was driving, but the car was moving ridiculously fast, going over hundreds of miles an hour. Logic would dictate that it was impossible for a car to move that fast on a Beijing road, but apparently, the driver (whoever they were) were just that good of a driver and had awesome reflexes. Of course, logic would also dictate that it didn't matter how awesome a driver was and how fast his reflexes were, no car could possibly move faster than the car in front of them on a straight road without eventually causing an accident. Still, the car and its driver defied logic.

Xiao Yan Zi looked over just to see who the driver was, and for a moment, all she could do was blink. It was not the sunlight shining through the window that was stopping her from seeing. She was temporarily blinded by the way the driver's skin sparkled, literally sparkled, like thousands of tiny diamonds were embedded in the surface.

As her eyes adjusted to the impossible refractions of light from smooth skin, she recognised who was sitting beside her in the car. It was Er Kang. She supposed in that halo-like glow of sun and sparkles around him, she should think he was some kind of god, an angel, too glorious to be beside her. But the only thing she could think of doing was laugh hysterically at the idea of Er Kang sparkling in the sunlight like he just poured a bucket of body glitter over his head. She bit her bottom lip to stop herself from laughing, hoping his hearing was not too acute to detect the laugh still bubbling up from her lungs, and that he could not read her mind.

He drove silently, not looking at her. She, on the other hand, could not seem to keep her eyes off him. Perhaps it was because he sat so perfectly still, like a sculpted statue, despite the fact that he was driving at break-neck speed. Or maybe it was because his scintillating arms were totally bare, glinting in the sunlight, as they stretched to grip the steering wheel. Still, they didn't speak to each other. She supposed usually neither of them were particularly verbose. Was that the right word, verbose? Didn't that mean that a person had the tendency to use unnecessary long, complicated words? She wished she had a dictionary to check, because if that was what verbose meant, it wasn't the word she was looking for. She actually was looking for a word that meant talkative. Well, why couldn't she use talkative then? Yes. Neither of them were talkative to each other, normally.

Xiao Yan Zi didn't know how long they drove with that impossible speed, but the next thing she knew, they stopped at the edge of a forest.

Wait. Forest? In Beijing? Huh?

Had they gone out of Beijing, already? Even then, this didn't look like anything anywhere near Beijing. She was chagrined. But could she deny the unfamiliar forest that was sprawling in front of her eyes? No, it looked too green to someone so used to the bustling city. An alien sight, impossible to ignore.

Despite the fact that she was now out of the car, the world still smelled of lavender. Or freesia. She still couldn't decide. And did she eat anything that morning? Because for some reason, the scent of flowers still made her mouth water!

Er Kang was out of the car too, sparkling more gloriously than ever now, so that Xiao Yan Zi had to squint to look at him. A normal Xiao Yan Zi would wonder why she was standing in the middle of nowhere alone, beside a car she didn't recognise, with Er Kang. Not that there was anything wrong or untrustworthy about him, really. No, on contrary, she knew she could trust Er Kang to keep her safe anywhere, but to actually be out alone with him was just...bizarre.

He grabbed her hand and pulled, nearly dragged, her with him into the forest.

Think: Fu Er Kang was dragging her into a deserted forest that she didn't even realise existed.

With chagrin, she wondered to herself why she didn't feel any panic. He was moving way too fast, and she could not keep up, but it didn't matter, because a moment later, Xiao Yan Zi realised that he was actually carrying her on his back, while running at break-neck speed. She felt like a monkey on his back, gripping his shoulders with all ther fingers spread out like spider legs. But that was the only way she could ever keep up with his awesome, unbelievable and godlike speed and strength. She wondered how it was possible that she was moving at the speed of a charging bullet and somehow didn't hit her face on anything in the dense forest, or even more likely, go deaf from the pressure pushing in and the wind whislting in her ears.

Finally, they reached the top of the mountain (what mountain?) so that now the sun was shining fully on them, and Er Kang's face glittered even more blindingly than ever. He turned to her, with an expression that she thought was meant to be menacing and fierce and brooding like that of a Byronic hero. But because this was a face that was glittering like diamonds in the sunlight, Er Kang's expression only made Xiao Yan Zi wonder whether he was just depressed. Then again, if he was, she could hardly blame him, a man as he was, sparkling as he was. 

Then he said to her, in a voice that was meant to be self-loathing, but just sounded bored and depressed, "You should stay away from me."

Xiao Yan Zi thought this was an odd thing to say, considering he had dragged her here, and told him so. He, however, ignored her and continued as if she had not spoken. "You are my life now. But you should stay away from me. Do you see this? THIS IS THE SKIN OF A KILLER!"

For a moment, Xiao Yan Zi could only stare at him. Yeah, sure, so he was working in law enforcement, but as far as she knew, Er Kang had never actually killed anyone. So what was he on about? And since when was she his life?

"What are you talking about?" she asked.

Before the last words had quite made it out of her mouth, Er Kang had grabbed her by the shoulders and pulled her closer to him. His grip was like steel, so it was a wonder that every bone in her arms wasn't crushed, and he held her so that their faces were almost touching.

"I love you," Er Kang finally murmured.

Xiao Yan Zi gasped and struggled out of his grip, and shouted, "Are you on drug?"

"No, I've imprinted on you, and the impriting magic in me tells me to choose the best partner to carry on my genes and that's you, so now I'm in love with you. It doesn't matter that I've been in a relationship with your best friend and sworn sister for the last two years and I was going to marry her! I love you now. Because it's magic! Why are you not saying you love me back? Why are you not submitting to me?"

The last bit came out like a wolfish howl.

Xiao Yan Zi was terrified now, because Er Kang looked livid. He claimed to love her and yet at her rejection, he looked livid, demanding that she submit to him. That was enough reason for her to want to avoid him like a vampire now, since no decent guy would be angry at a rejection. Disappointed, sad, yes. Angry, not. But it didn't matter, because for Xiao Yan Zi there could only be one answer. If Er Kang said it was magic, then he was the one under a spell, not her.

"I will never love you," she shouted.

Er Kang howled even louder, and sudddenly, there was an explosion of fur. The next thing Xiao Yan Zi knew, sharp claws flew at her; she tasted blood, and then everything faded to black.

~*~

Let's face it, it's a Twilight reference galore so if you haven't read the Twilight series, most of this will just sound like a really badly written short story. I just want to explain use of characters in this "crossover fanfiction".

Xiao Yan Zi and Er Kang are characters from a Chinese TV show called Huan Zhu Ge Ge, which was very popular in Asia about ten years ago. It created a mania all over Asia, not unlike the phenonmenon that are the Harry Potter and Twilight series today. And now, ten years after I first watched the series on Vietnamese television, I am still writing fanfiction for HZGG (and apparently, people are still reading them).

So what does all this have anything to do with Twilight, you ask.

Well, nothing.

HZGG is set in China during the Qing dynasty, in the 1700s. So in terms of timeline, it has no relation to Bella, Edward, Emily, Sam and Leah. However, as I write fanfic, at times I find myself bored and/or stuck with the period setting, so I started writing a modern day version of HZGG, where instead of shooting her with an arrow, Yong Qi nearly runs Xiao Yan Zi over with his car. And because Xiao Yan Zi now lives in the 21st century, she naturally reads Twilight after being persuaded by Yong Qi's little sister. Being a history major, she is appalled at the historical inaccuracies in the Twilight series (rich banker in America in the 1930s, anyone?) and promptly goes into a rant. I started writing a chapter where Xiao Yan complains to Yong Qi about Twilight, but it soon became like an anti-Twilight rant disguised as HZGG fanfiction, so I scraped that chapter. But then this mutant plot bunny came into my head instead, begging me to write it and here it is. It is a collection of some of the things that made me laugh in Twilight, for all the wrong reasons, and the end is what I think Emily should have done, but probably what would happen to her if she continued to refuse Sam. 

And I'm sorry, Er Kang, you're not my favourite character in the world, but you don't deserve this. Please don't hold me responsible for this.  The mutant bunny made me do it.